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  • Yaddy Valerio

Diaries: Love



2020 gave me a lot to think about if you have been following me for a while, then you know I have been about this self-love thing for a number of years. I do the work and 2020 has transferred me to a different place in my journey. At 33, my definition of love changes, and I get wiser with my personal definition. I learned most about love through my bad experiences, yet they were "bad experiences" because I felt awful and in a lot of pain. But those experiences were my biggest blessings. If you are a young reader, the word LOVE will change over time as you grow.




Young Love

First relationship love

Heartbreak love

in love love

friendship love

parent love

self-love


For a long time, I thought I needed someone to make me happy. Like if I am romantic all involved with someone, that will solve my personal issues of how unhappy I was with myself. I was unhappy for years because of my unresolved trauma. But also in between having someone complete me, I also felt unworthy of being with someone. The unworthiness stems from my parent's relationship and other insecurities placed on me that for years I actually believed. Is a funny thing or not so funny. Kind of funny when looking back on it. Words do matter, especially young. When you are called "stupid" "slow" "unworthy" or "weak" as a child from family members, you'll believe. It took therapy, reading lots of books, mistakes, and growing confidence to unlearn that behavior. Coming to an understanding of others’ journeys, not feeling sorry for them but more compassion for whatever they have gone through in their life, they haven't been able to resolve.


I had so much turmoil with myself and family dysfunction that I really thought "who wants to be with me and deal with this chaos", that was one thought. So I thought of myself as unworthy even when I was in relationships. The only way I felt a little worthy was only if it involved a chaotic person. It's like I was attracting myself with a different body and gender.


Something about the last few years that I learned most about myself and I started to remove the bandages and began healing the wounds where I learned most about myself, I owned up to my own shit, removed shame, and developed my confidence. Being single has helped me get rid of those thoughts. I had to look deep within myself, I had to feel good with myself and I had to learn how to love myself with all my flaws. I do things that challenge myself and moving past fear or work with fear has helped me the most in realizing my worthiness. It made me feel like I can take over the world.


Something about the last few years that I learned most about myself and I started to remove the bandages and began healing the wounds where I learned most about myself, I owned up to my own shit, removed shame, and developed my confidence. Being single has helped me get rid of those thoughts. I had to look deep within myself, I had to feel good with myself and I had to learn how to love myself with all my flaws. I do things that challenge myself and moving past fear or work with fear has helped me the most in realizing my worthiness. It made me feel like I can take over the world.


I would continue to grow and feel comfortable in my own skin. Year 3 in my 30s is turning out to be a blooming year. I can say I love me, I like me, and comfortable with me. Some may feel intimidated and that is fine. I really hope that you'll feel comfortable with yourself if you feel insecure about yourself. I want you all my readers to find that confidence to achieve anything you put your mind to and just go for it.


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